Letter to Nigerian Parents
Friends,
Let me add the benefit of my time as a
student and then resident in the UK. Living in Lagos now. The first thing that
I discovered about UK-born, white, English under graduates was that all of them
did holiday or weekend job to support themselves – including the children of
millionaires amongst them. It is the norm over there regardless of how wealthy
their parents are. And I soon discovered that virtually all other foreign
students did the same – except status-conscious Nigerians.
I also watched Richard Branson (owner of
Virgin Airline) speaking on the Biography channel. To my amazement, he said
that his young children travel in the economy class- even when the parents (ha
and his wife) are in upper class. Richard Branson is a billionaire in Pound Sterling.
A quick survey would show you that only children from Nigeria fly business or
upper class to commence their studies in the UK. No other foreign students do
this. There is no aircraft attached to the office of the Prime Minister in the
UK. He travels on BA. And the same goes for the royals. The Queen does not have
an aircraft for her exclusive use.
These practices simply become the culture
which the next generation carries forward. Have you seen the car that Kate Middleton
(the wife of Prince William) drives? VW Golf or something close to it. But
there is one core difference between them and us (generally speaking), they
(even the billionaire among them) work for their money, we steal ours.
If we want our children to bring about the
desired change we have been praying for on behalf of our dear country, then
please, please let’s begin now and teach them to work hard so they can stand
alone and most importantly be content, and not having to “steal”, which seems to
be the norm these days.
“30 is the new 18”, which seem to be the new
age for testing out the world in Nigeria now. That seems to be an unspoken but
widely accepted mindset among the last 2 generations of parents in Nigeria.
At age 18 years, a typical young adult in
the UK leaves the clutches of his/her parents for the university. Chances are,
that’s the last time those parents would ever play “Landlord” to their son or
daughter except of course the occasional visits during the academic year.
At 21 years and above or below, the now
grown and independent minded adult graduates from university, searches for
employment, gets a job and shares a flat with other young people on a journey
into becoming full-fledged adults.
I can hear the echo of parents saying, well,
‘that is because the UK economy is thriving, safe, well structured and jobs are
everywhere?” I beg to differ and I ask that you kindly hear me out. I am a
UK-trained Recruitment Consultant and I have been practicing for the past 10
years in Nigeria. I have a broad range of experience from recruiting graduates
to executive director level of large corporations. In addition, I talk from the
point of view of someone with relatively privileged upbringing.
Driven to school every day; had my clothes
washed for me; was barred from any part-time job during my A-levels so that I
could concentrate on studying for my exams?! But, I got the opportunity to live
apart from my parents from age 18 and the only time I came back home to stay
was for 3 months before I got married!
Am I saying that every parent should wash
their hands off their children at age 18? No, not at all, of course. I enjoyed
the savings that I made from living on and off at my parent’s house in London.
Indeed that is the primary reason for my being able to buy myself a 3 bedroom
flat in London at age 25 with absolutely no direct financial help from my
parents!
For me, pocket money stopped at age 22, not
that it was ever enough for my lifestyle to compete with Paris Hilton’s or
Victoria Beckham’s. Meanwhile today, we have Nigerian children who have never
worked for 5 minutes in their lives insisting on flying “only” first or
business class, carrying the latest Louis Vuitton ensemble, Victoria’s Secret
underwear and wearing Jimmy Choo’s, fully paid for by their “loving parents”.
I often get calls from anxious parents, “my
son graduated 2 years ago and is still looking for a job, can you please
assist!"
“Oh really! So, where exactly is THIS
CHILD?” is my usual question. “Why are you the one making the call dad/mum?”
I am yet to get a satisfactory answer, but
between you and me chances are that the big boy is cruising around Lagos with a
babe dressed to the nines, in his dad’s spanking new SUV with enough “pocket
money” to put your salary to shame. It is not at all strange to have a 28 year
old who has never worked for a day in his or life in Nigeria but “earns” a six
figure “salary” from parents doing absolutely nothing.
I see them in my office once in a while, 26
years old with absolutely no skills to sell apart from a shiny CV, written by
his dad’s secretary in the office. Of course, he has a driver at his beck and
call and he is driven to the job interview. We have a fairly decent
conversation and we get to the inevitable question – so, what salary are you
looking to earn? Answer comes straight out – N250, 000.00. I ask if that is per
month or per annum.
“Of course it is per month”.
“Oh why do you think you should be earning
that much on your first job?”
“Well, because my current pocket money is
N200, 000.00 and I feel that an employer should be able to pay me more than my
parents”.
I try very hard to compose myself. Over
parenting is in my opinion the greatest evil handicapping the Nigerian youth.
It is at the root of our national malaise.
We have a youth population of tens of
millions of who are being “breastfed and diapered” well into their 30s. Even
though the examples I have given above are from parents of considerable
affluence, similar patterns can be observed from Abeokuta to Adamawa! Wake up
mum! You are practically loving your children to death! No wonder corruption
continues to thrive. We have a society of young people who have been brought up
to expect something for nothing, as if it were a birthright.
I want to encourage you to send your young
men and women (anyone over 20 can hardly be called a child) out into the world,
maybe even consider reducing or stopping the pocket money to encourage them to
think, explore and strive. Let them know that it is possible for them to
succeed without your “help”.
Take a moment to think back to your own time
as a young man /woman. What if someone had kept spoon-feeding you, would you be
where you are today? No tree grows well under another tree. Children that are
not exposed to challenges don’t cook well. That is why you see adults
complaining, “My parents didn’t buy cloth for me this Christmas”. Ask him/her
how old- 30+. Because of the challenges we faced in our youth we are where and
what we are today. The syndrome-“my children will not suffer what I suffered” I
s destroying our tomorrow. Deliberately reduce their allowance or mum- don’t
cook on Sunday till late afternoon or evening-do as occasion deserve.
I learnt the children of a former Nigerian
Head of State with all the stolen (billions) monies in their custody, still go
about with security escort as wrecks. They are on drugs, several times because
of the drug, they collapse in public places. The escort will quickly pack them
and off they go. What a life! No one wants to marry them.
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at
twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in
life is to keep your mind young. - Henry Ford. Hard work does not kill.
Everything in Nigeria is going down, including family settings. It is time to
cook our children, preparing them for tomorrow. We are approaching the season
in Nigeria where only the RUGGED will survive. How will your ward fare?
If the present generation of Nigerians
retires, will you fly a plane flown by a young Nigerian pilot, if trained in
Nigeria? People now have first class, who can’t spell GRADUATE or read an
article without bomb blast! Which Way Nigeria! Which Way Nigeria! Is this how
we will ALL sit and watch this country SINK?
God help us in this country!
From a concerned youth.
